My Photo Blog
I have a new hobby on which i have been spending an inordinate amount of time lately and that's Photography.
These are some of the photographs i've taken recently.
Do let me know what you think of them.
Jag.
http://umairmohsin.buzznet.com
The Lock Of Your Hair
The breeze promised to snatch it away from my grasp as i looked upon the lock of her hair that our tryst had left in my hand. The booty from the ultimate conquest. The silent testament to the hours of passion that she and I had reveled in. This was her memento to me, until we met next.
As the evening's sun descended to its abode, the light rays falling upon my hand turned the dark brown color into a shade of crimson, the hues meshing with the light until it was difficult to tell which was light and which was hair. I gripped the lock even tighter. I was afraid of the wind sweeping it from my grasp and taking it away on those currents uncharted that i would not be able to follow. It was so strong, so beautiful, yet also vulnerable & fragile, just like her. One strong gust from the universe could have separated us, yet there was she and I pitted against the elements and winning.
I caressed her tress in my hand, slowly stroking it with my finger, from the roots to the tip. "It's so beautiful", i murmured. Perhaps i looked like a lunatic right then at that moment (they do say that love drives people insane) and maybe i was mad, i do not know, but at that moment that lock of hair brought her back to me. I felt as if my hands were in her hair, running through her silky sheen of 'waves', like a boat cuts across the water.
Looking at that lock of her hair, i felt a sudden urge and i kissed it. My lips planted upon it, like I would have kissed her lips and felt a delicious surge of pure pleasure cavorting through my body. "I really have gone insane", I thought and... i did not care. It had never ceased to amaze me at how much i could want her. Perhaps i wanted her even more than i realized.
I looked at the hair up closer. "You will always be with me, no matter where i go...whatever i do...wherever i maybe. I want you next to me...i want you to be with me always...and i want to be with you for as long as i live", I said.
As the evening's rays finally settled in and heralded the coming of the night, i opened my wallet and placed the lock of hair inside.
Blase
Why is it man's nature to become oblivious to everything that is good around him and only after nature decides to give a wakeup call, does he gives thanks for all that he has got. I take a look at my life only and i find this in abundance. I have recieved so much and yet i have not given proper thanks for my blesssings. Instead i'm more morose, more down than ever. It's like nothing excites me anymore, no matter what i do. There's no sense of accomplishment even after the crowds have raised me on their shoulders. There's a void in my soul which spirituality has not been able fulfil and there's no satisfaction in wine, women or song.
What is it that i want, that i cannot get? What is it that i am longing for, that one thing without which my mind, body and soul are impervious to everything worldly and outerworldly? I wish i knew.
To Have Or Have Not?
I get so confused when i'm with you. The passion that your touches generate, courses through my body...inciting me...sets me on fire that refuses to subside no matter how much i partake of you. Your kisses leave me gasping for more and when you hold me.......
You're wrong for me, i know that. Yet! how do i make myself believe that. My heart speeds up whenever my eyes catch a glimpse of you, feels like it would burst when you come close to me and when you kiss me, it stops beating and leaves me breathless. My mind refuses to let you out of my thoughts for even a moment in time. I break out in laughter when there's nothing to laugh at, smile to myself until people think i've lost it, and my voice sounds like that of a 16 year old. I sing and i dance for no reason. So how do i make myself believe?
Sometimes i wonder what unearthly powers lie in this Universe that brings people like us two together. What is there in the etherworld that charts the course of a pair of people that will give each other heartbreaks, loss, grief and abject sorrow. When the union is not meant to be than why is that bond even there? That unspeakable & unquenchable attraction that drives two people to sacrifice everything for each other, only to end up in tears. Is it fate that i want to be with someone else and yet someone else is in my destiny whose meant to share my life? If so, than Fie on you Fate! Fie on you for your endless schemings and your sadistic pleasure trips. Fie! on you for twisting the pathways because of which i'm forced to choose. Fie on you for wanting to leave me an outer shell whilst my inner self hollows out because of the pain.
Why is it that the powers that be want to deny me you? Why is that i cannot have you, when i want you so much? Why is it that the pathways of life will lead us apart? There's no denying it or writing it off as that endless paranoia of a woman in love. I know it will happen because I have felt it. There's a small voice in my head that constantly reminds me when i'm at my most happiest, that he's not going to be there for too long. Make the most of it whilst you still can.
Oh! but i wish i could keep you. To have and to hold till death do us part. Should i take a chance or should i give you up right now and tell you that you're wrong for me. Take the pain right now rather than bear the torment & anguish later. Why are these questions so difficult? Is just a simple question of To Have or Have Not. Sigh! i wish they were that simple.
The Rearview Mirror
Is there anything more than you would like?. Her voice interrupted me as i drove along Interstate 60 at night. "Hmm! Would you be on the Menu?", i had asked her with a wink. The sound of her laughter still was etched strongly in my mind. If i could close my eyes i could even still see her. That one comment had sparked off a three year affair that only lost its momentum when the distances finally became too great to overcome. "I'll miss you....I'll miss you so much...write often"..... until finally "I've found someone else".
"Hey"...."Heyyyy", i turned around...and looked back. There she was sitting in the back seat. She looked exactly the way i last remembered her. "Why couldn't you be with me. You know i had loved only you. Why did you have to hurt me?"......"I'm sorry Kathy.....i'm sorry", I replied, "....there was nothing i could do.....i ... i had to leave you". Her face turned sad. Those lovely eyes that had gazed into mine a million times and each time had said "I'll do anything for you...just be with me always" clouded over. "I miss you...i really really miss you"....she said....the way she had said when she had last called me. "I know Kathy...i know"..I said.."In a way...i miss you too...i miss you too".....and turned back to the road.
"For crying out loud, can't you do anything right". I swerved and almost hit another car. I turned to look at the passenger seat. He was sitting there. "What! what are you gaping at, you imbecile. You won't amount to anything in this life. People like you....Spat!....that's what you are...a nothing....and you will never amount to a hill of beans....NOTHING...NOBODY". I screamed at him, " I AM SOMEBODY NOW.... I AM A SOMEBODY NOW..." and went into peals of hysterical laughter. That one statement had driven me to perform at my peak all these years. The fear that i would be a nobody had made me exceed at everything that i had put my mind to. I had been driven by the fear that i would lose out. Yet! He still taunted me. Still haunted me.
"It's okay darling...ShhH!!! It's okay".....and i felt her lovely hands surround me...."I'm here"...I'm here now"...."Shhhh!!!". I relaxed immediately. She's always had a way of calming me down, of understanding me. She who has no equal in front of my eyes. She whom i'm going to right now. Strangely with her in my car, the journey was so much easier after that.
Driving at night has a strange way of bringing out the past. Things forgotten, things repressed, they all come out to haunt you whilst you're driving along those vast, open roads. It's so strange how the wheels of life just keep on turning and taking you forward...and how along the way it throws so many a people in your path. Some stay for the drive...some pass on by ... and some remain as shadows only seen in the rear view mirror of your soul.
Sometimes i don't know what to write on. I just stare at the screen in front of me, with my arms on the table, thinking....and hoping....that something inspiring comes up. I always want to write something which i have never written on before or perhaps write in a new manner or style which i haven't tried before. But nothing comes to mind.....Gah! What do i write on?
Do i write on God!...but then what do i know about the supreme being and unlike many others who say they know, i don't know. So I can't write about Him. Do i write on love, but i have already done that in so many manners. True they say that love is infinite in its ways. But then what can i possibly write that millions already around the world haven't already written on...or felt. So again the question arises, what should i write on, as i sit here with my arms on the table. Do i write on life...about the tensions and the strife that we face...about death, about courage, about aspiring to be a somebody or someone else? Do i write about the stubborness of man to never give up, or do i write about the downfall when they do? Life is so big, so huge...never ending. Who amongst us can say that they know life? That they have seen it up close. That they have seen what it really is all about. I haven't. Therefore i reject this topic temporarily, to write on it more when i am more able.
So what about Travel? Now that's an easy topic to write upon. I can talk about my last vacation even though that was 3 years ago or maybe i can just write on the topic of vacationing. But then dullsville. Who wants to read yet another wannabe columnist writing about the sushi you can eat sitting on the docks of some Malayan River, and how delicious it can be.....when i've never personally eaten sushi in my life or have visited Malaysia.
So i will write on whatever is coming to my mind right now. The topic "Writing on not being able to write". It's perhaps not a very interesting topic. Might even be a trite bit boring. But sometimes given that you just want to write something for the sake of something.....this is what i want to write today.
Perhaps next time when i eat the sushi, i can tell you about how i fell in love with it and the way i ate it while vacationing in my tropical paradise mixed with the local exotic life of the people made me think about the wonders of God!.
Hmm!! sometimes such topics can spark off an inspiration, don't they. 
Mi Amour?
I had never planned to love you. But somehow i just did. I don't know when was it that i started loving you. I don't know when you became the most important thing in my life, but it happened and i was helpless against it....against your strong tides that swept me away. I wish that i had known that you would also drown me. I remember how I had been shaking and blushing when i had told you about how i felt, and how you had put your arms around me, shusshing me and telling me that everything was going to be all right. How much i had loved you for that. For not rejecting me, for not making fun of me.
You had wrapped me in your love and i had blossomed under you.You had made me feel so good about myself. I had felt wanted, i had felt loved. I had felt giddy with it all. "I am in love", "I'm in love", i had told my friends and they had laughed. But nothing had mattered as long as you had been there. Not my dysfunctional family, not my friends, not my life.
Then you shattered my world by saying you had never felt the same about me. That you had just wanted to give our relationship a TRY. That now we should just be friends. "FRIENDS". After all this time, you had realized we could just be friends....But just to have you there with me, i had accepted that. So friends it had been. I had hidden my feeling well. I never shed a single tear in front of you. I didn't react when you told me that you had found someone else. I didn't blink when you had said that you thought she was the one and I didn't even move a muscle when you said we shouldn't see each other anymore, because it makes her jealous...you never saw what i went through.....but the pain...it doesn't stop. It hurts. It hurts so much.
Tell me what is the price of love...and how long must i continue to pay for it?
